I'll love you till the end
by LovingOn
Summary: Derek loses it completely after the death of Meredith. Unfortunately for him, Addison and Mark discover him before things get nasty. Quite sad, so be warned..


And that was it. That was how his life had turned out. Had it been a good turn out? No. Nothing would be the same from then on. Ever.

All Derek felt he could do was stare out at the city. He was in complete darkness, stood in a hospital room within the depths of the top floor, feeling sorry for himself. Feeling sorry for Meredith. She'd had no choice about what was to happen to her, it'd just happened. He'd never imagined her being the victim of a Hit 'n Run.

Meredith had tried to do the heroic thing; stop the criminals herself. But even Derek new that she shouldn't have done it, especially now she was dead. One of them had shot her, straight in the chest, but not at point blank range. She had been rushed to the hospital, but had died on arrival. The paramedics had barely had any time to do anything in order to help her.

Derek let out a shaky sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose and then covering his jaw with his palm to stop it trembling. He could feel the tears building up in his eyes but as much as he strained to hold them in, they fell down his cheeks anyway. He wiped them away fiercely, gritting his teeth as he gave a huge sniff. He would be strong, he had to be. He would get through this on his own…

…But not yet.

Without warning, the reality of what had happened fell on him like a ton of bricks. Meredith was gone, she was really gone. He would never hear the sound of her voice, smell the fragrance of her perfume or feel her touch ever again. Derek could feel himself shaking with anger, the grief he felt was unbelievable - it was to the point where he couldn't decide which had been worse; losing his wife or losing his father.

Both of them had been taken from him unfairly, brutally.

As his grief became unbearable, and as his anger became stronger, he let out a low whine before dragging it into an ear piercingly loud cry. He banged his fists into the walls while yelling, brutally destroyed all the hospital equipment in the room with his foot and turned over the hospital bed, breaking off a side barrier. Panting with all his rage, he let the warm tears fall down his face as he snatched it up and leant back, about to launch it at the window with all his might.

"DEREK!" He heard someone suddenly yell. Addison.

"DEREK WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" He then heard Mark yell. They had both found him. Mark grabbed the barrier out of his friend's hands and threw it to the floor. Derek scowled at him, grabbing him tightly by his shoulders and pushing him into the wall. Addison rushed over to them, trying to pull them apart. "Stop it! Derek, stop it!" She forced, but he didn't listen.

"Don't try and stop me, Mark, I will hurt you." He croaked, suddenly noticing the painful lump which had formed in his throat.

Mark slapped Derek's arms from him and shook him hard. "Look at yourself! Seriously, just stop and LOOK at what you've done!" He shouted, pushing him to the floor. Addison pulled him up, gripping his arms at the elbows in an attempt to restrain him. Derek didn't break eye contact with Mark.

"I said look!" He yelled, waving his hands around as a gesture the room. Addison shushed him.

"Derek, please, just look around the room." She half begged, but covered it with a controlling voice.

Derek could hardly see from the amount of tears he had. He looked straight into Addison's eyes.

"I don't want to." He finally whispered, his voice barely audible from his trembling sadness. Mark's angry expression immediately dropped into sympathy as he realised just how bad Derek was. Addison felt a lump form in her throat, but she quickly swallowed it down. The man before her started to crumple to the floor beneath her feet. Mark leapt forward in time to catch him, but not in time to stop him from meeting the floor.

"She's actually gone, Meredith's dead!" He wept into Addison's arm and she leant in front of him, having still not let go of his arms. She put her hand on his head in comfort, slightly stroking the back of his hair. Mark had his hand on his shoulder.

"Derek, don't you ever think you're alone with all this because you're not." Addison told him quietly. Mark nodded. "Come on, you're going to make me cry in a second." His voice cracked slightly, but he held it together.

As Derek's uncontrollable shaking toned down, that night's events were to be remembered but never spoken of again.


End file.
